Evil Mothers-in-law and Ill-Mannered Daughters-in-law. It’s All About Tajikistan


Conflicts between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are always in the spotlight in Tajik society.

In Tajikistan, mothers-in-law are the main culprits for family breakdown. This opinion was expressed by experts of the older generation. Young girls believe that you need to be cunning with your husband’s mother, for example, in front of your mother-in-law, do not show your love for him …

Conflicts between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law are always in the spotlight in Tajik society. That is why we decided to choose this topic for the talk show Rosty Gap .

Another heated discussion was at the end of January, when a video of a young girl from Isfara appeared on the network , who was forced to eat bread secretly from her mother-in-law, because she was reproached for eating …

Theater and film actress Mavlona Najmiddinova, a representative of the Committee of Religion, Streamlining Traditions, Celebrations and Ceremonies Muslihiddin Khodjamirzoda, took part in the discussion of the topic, and we also invited Abdufattokh Iskhokov, the father of 25-year-old Manora, who was driven to suicide (she inflicted 26 stab wounds on herself ).

What causes conflicts?

Mavlona Nadzhmiddinova believes that most often disagreements occur due to the fact that mothers-in-law do not perceive their daughters-in-law as their daughters, they treat them like a labor force that should only work and please their whims, and they are also jealous of their sons.

She was supported by a representative of the committee of religion. 

According to him, the statistics of the reasons for the breakup of families, collected from all relevant structures, show that conflicts and divorces occur because of the mothers of women’s husbands who oppress daughters-in-law.

Another reason for conflict, according to experts, is that girls are not well prepared for marriage. They have no idea what awaits them in the husband’s family. Also, in general, Tajik society does not pay attention to the education of girls so that they know their rights.

As the actress noted, in the old days, every girl was taught how she should behave in her husband’s house, they explained that this is not a parental home, where she can wake up when she wants and do what she wants.  

Meanwhile, most of the young girls present on the talk show did not agree with the opinions of experts that Khushtoman (mother-in-law) are the initiators of the conflict.

According to the girls, if current daughters-in-law respect the mothers of their husbands, listen to their advice, keep the house clean and comfortable, then there should be no problems. 

“In order to have a good relationship with her husband’s mother, the daughter-in-law must use a trick for good,” the guest of the show, Shoira Madalieva, shared her opinion.

Illustrative, archival photoPhoto by Asia Plus

She believes that where the daughter-in-law feels jealousy from the mother-in-law, she should be more restrained in relations with her husband. That is, warm feelings between spouses should not be obvious to the mother-in-law …

Another participant named Manizha Rakhmonova believes that respect and affection in her husband’s family can only be obtained through work and diligence.“Daughters-in-law must carry out the instructions of their mother-in-law, naturally, within reason. If this goes beyond the scope, then the girl should explain herself in a respectful way to her mother-in-law,” Manizha said.

Girls also believe that a prosperous family life is badly affected by the early age of marriage. Daughters are given in marriage when they do not yet have life experience. This experience can be obtained if the girls will first receive higher education. 

Another detrimental thing for marriage, according to the representative of the committee of religion, is the “denunciation” of everything that happens in the husband’s family to their parents. 

“Daughters-in-law often take dirty linen out of the hut in the course of any minor domestic conflicts. Tell all the little things that happen in the house. It harms relationships when third parties begin to interfere in the lives of young people, ”he said.

Journalist Bakhtiyor Rakhmatulloev agreed with his opinion. He said that he often quarreled with his wife because she included her mother in their situation. After he asked his wife’s mother not to interfere in their relationship, the young people themselves solved their problems. 

And the last reason for conflicts is the unwillingness of men to solve the problems of their women: both mothers and wives.

As participants of the talk show noted, most often men in Tajik society remain on the sidelines in the conflict between wife and mother. They do not intervene, hoping that the problem will be solved by itself.

How to save a marriage?

The talk show hosts came up with several solutions.

Mavlona Najmiddinova is sure that it is necessary to turn to religion , because Islam teaches peace, mutual understanding and mutual respect.

“Everyone should read the Quran. This will keep a person from a bad path, ”she is sure.

Second, men should not have to choose between the two women they love .

“Often our mothers put a choice before their son: either I or your wife,” in this case, Muslihiddin Khodjamirzoda advises the man to refuse the choice. 

“Men should use their God-given intelligence not to make such a foolish choice. Although there are often cases in society when sons follow the lead of their mothers and abandon their wives in order to please their mothers. 

Third, the older generation should live separately from the young , so that they solve their problems on their own. 

Manora’s father, speaking about the tragedy of his daughter’s life, shared his opinion that as long as mothers-in-law do not perceive their daughters-in-law as their daughters, the problem will remain. 

“They should support their daughter-in-law when they see their son misbehaving,” he says. – My daughter’s husband, having returned from labor migration, almost stopped coming home, about which she complained to her mother-in-law, who stood up for her son. Complaints that my husband comes at two or three in the morning only angered my mother-in-law, and instead of support, my daughter received a portion of abuse. Naturally, in such a situation, the son, believing that he was right, continued to do so. 

“For her, my daughter, who has three children, was just a labor force: she had no rights or respect for her. She was oppressed by anyone who could, including her husband’s sister, who threw herself at my Manor with a knife.

According to the father of the deceased girl, there will always be problems and troubles in the life of young families, but they must be resolved peacefully. He bitterly regrets that after the first conflicts he let her go back to her husband’s house, could not save her.

Source : ASIA-Plus